you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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