im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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