My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
