It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
