is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
