I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
