he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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