She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
