Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
