Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
