he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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