ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
