woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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