the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
