So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
