I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So vagazzling was a success
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
