Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
