So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
