Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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