I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Im part way to drunk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
