I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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