Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
