I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
