The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
