think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
