im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
