she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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