Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
