dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
