i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
