dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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