in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
