Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
