spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
