My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
