So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
