A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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