We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
