$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
