i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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