Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
