Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
