no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
