i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
