You made me cry and you don't even care
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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