arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
