her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Green mimosas i think yes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
