and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you had me at cake vodka
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
