Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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