feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
