I hate all girls vehemently.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
