I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
