I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
