It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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