That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
